Impossible Is Nothing

Hooray for returning

2006-01-11T21:57:00.000-06:00

It's been a long time. Summer has gone. College has started, and my first semester is in the books with a dissapointing 3.18 GPA. That's how it goes. Alot has changed, but rather than trying to review and ultimately dimishing powerful moments, we'll just forgoe them accepting the fact I've changed. Yet still through these past months the goal is still the same: materialize my dreams, be so ambitious that it frightens those around me and then still come through. It's a tall order, but that's why I want it. I'm not sure what I want to do with my life, and hopefully I figure out soon. I don't want to make money. I don't want to spend my entire life waiting for the next promotion. I want to be different. I want to make a difference. Can I do that being a civil engineer? Could I do it better being a doctor? These are my concerns, that still need to be sorted out. Until then.....

Intense

2005-06-07T20:54:00.000-05:00

This blog is incredibly intense all of the time. I gotta lighten it up a bit aye? I hit Rachel Stewart in the face with a frisbee today. She started bleeding. She made a big deal of it, threatened to pull down my pants, but that's life isn't it? I apologized but I didn't mean it. It was part of the game. That's a light topic right, a girl threating to pull down my pants?

Crash

2005-06-07T11:47:00.000-05:00

Crash. I knew it would be a thought provoking movie, but I had no idea how far reaching the effects would be. I'm not sure how good it is on a movie level. It does an impressive job of weaving together a handful of plot lines into one cohensive movie. Yet that is not where the strength of the film lies. The strenght lies in the subject matter, race relations. How often do we judge people based upon their race? How often does this happen without us even noticing, with us accepting it? Far too often, for me at least. Does this make me a bad person? Hell yes. That's the point. We are all bad people, however we want to justify it. We are all one comment away from murder, rape, whatever. It takes one comment that turns you the wrong way, brings up bad memories, to set you off. So what hope is there? What safety net is there from total enragement? God. (pause for laughter) Well it's true. What other reason is there to follow the rules? What other reason is there to live a "good" life?

Too Long

2005-06-03T17:34:00.000-05:00

I have to get better at this. There is way too much time between my posts. Well I have been extremely busy....ever since Star Wars. Final days of school, a couple papers, a Bio final, Senior Trip in Colorado, and lots of learningn along the way. With graduation tommorrow, I may finally beginning to miss everything. The reality check came right after Episode III (there is a very good reason, it would just take 20 minutes to explain), but the sadness I avoided for a while. Now it's my first day of freedom, nothing to wake up for, nothing to look forward to, the defintion of a summer day. So I'm not sure I'm sad or just bored. It's probably just boredom, because boredom is sad, but regardless, I am going to miss alot of things. But this is all a lie, because at the same time I'm still extremely excited and ansy. I'm excited to open that new chapter of my life, to become what I'm destined to be (that sounds more epic than it probably will be). This next chapter of my life is quite critical, because this is where all the thoughts and dreams I've ever had have to start materializing or else I'll end up just like everyone else. I've never been like everyone else, and I hope I never am. I mean who else can jump from Coldplay to Jay-Z to Explosions in the Sky to The Streets to Rage against the Machine to Elliot Smith all within one day? If you can find someone than I really have to meet them.

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

2005-05-21T21:13:00.000-05:00

I've always been a star wars fan, never obsessive but always a fan. There is so much about Star Wars that just makes you want to get up, scream, and pump your fists; the first death star run, boba fett, the duel between vader and luke, the battle on hoth, duel of the fates, the imperial march, obi wan, yoda's performance in empire, and basically all of episode 3.
There is so much about this movie. There was so much riding on it. This was the joint for all 6 movies and if this failed, realistically, they all failed. The success of this movie was critical. There was so much riding on it, and how did it turn out? It was a masterpiece, an absolute masterpiece. Hands down, best cinematic experience I've had (I don't say this lightly). I laughed, I cheered, I cried, and I left the theater feeling like crap.
It was a masterpiece, because the film knew what it was. It knew it was the last star wars film and made you feel like crap because of it. We all knew what was going to happen, ani going to the dark side and all, but it didn't make it any less suspenseful. When ani was hopelessly in love, when he wanted to save Padme, when he was walking through the manipulative conversations of Palpatine, when he turned on Mace, when he KILLED younglins, when he fought obi-wan, when he lay burning...dangit I didn't want him to become Darth Vader. All he needed was someone to talk him, someone to comfort him. He had been through so much, and was going through so much, if one of the pompous jedis had just sat down with him, all this crap could have been avoided, but no. They were too busy fighting their war and pumping out idealogical garbage. "Learn to let go of those you love"...I'd want to kill too if someone told me that after I dreamed my wife's death. For alot of the movie, I was on Ani's side. I was agreeing with him, "Yea, screw the Jedi, if they dont care about you, do your own thing" But then it got to the end, and I'd realized along with Ani what it lead to; his demise. That's why this film is so tragic, because it makes sense. Ani wasn't evil. He was just a boy with a lot of problems and no one to talk to. Dangit the only person that would talk to him was a man that represented evil incarnate.
Besides the absolute amazing story that drove this movie, there were so many other things. Obi-wan and Yoda were just amazing characters. Yoda was a character for the first time since Empire, he wasn't a novelty anymore. He grew along with all the other characters, and that was refreshing. Obi-wan was just a pimp. He's never looked good on paper, and it's always seemed like he gets knocked out in every single battle, but he finally stepped up to the plate in this movie. When Vader is burning and he just yelling at him, "I loved you! You were my brother!" I got chills. Speaking of chills when Order 66 was put into effect.....damn. It could not have been scored better. The music, the sequences, Yoda's reaction; it all played out perfectly.
Walking out of the theater after I first saw Episode III was the saddest I ever remember being after a movie. In many ways, it represented the end of things, the end of my childhood. Nothing this entire school year has given me a reality check even close to this movie. I realized that I will never see these characters on screen again. I'm never going to get to see Yoda, Mace, Bobba Fett, Chewie, Han, Ani, Luke, Vader, haha Darth Maul.....dangit. Likewise, my high school career has come to a close, in a couple weeks I'm never going to see a great deal of people ever again. I'll go my way, and they will go theres. We should just watch this movie over senior trip, because nothing will be more effective. Dangit it's over, and it's only so sad because it was so beautiful.

2005-05-18T17:39:00.000-05:00

Empty Cans

2005-05-17T16:07:00.000-05:00

"The end of the something i did not want to end, Begining of hard times to come. But something that was not meant to be is done, And this is the start of what was."

The End

2005-05-16T01:42:00.000-05:00

Senior Year is coming to a close, and so is this chapter on my life. It's to reflect mainly because I've had no time to catch my breath. Bloody AP Tests and projects and papers and everything calculus have owned my soul for this past month. The only time I've had to reflect and really, truely enjoy the end is Jr/Sr, our "prom" for you non-wheaton academy people. Good times with Good People, that's the cliche isn't it? That's what it was, and that's what I needed. There are so many cliches involved with the ending of high school. haha...i dont know where I'm going with this, since it's kind of 2 am, and I should kinda be sleeping, because i was kinda up until 5 am last night, and i kind have school tomorrow......kinda. I'll publish this just because I've slacked off for the past month, but I'll give a better post in a bit.

Bulls: A Season Over

2005-05-16T01:29:00.000-05:00

A magical season. A great season. I've waited a long time to talk about it too. I guess it has taken that long to let the emotions settle so I could properly reflect. To be honest, I expected nothing out of the bulls, nothing different that is, at least this year. I was convinced that in a couple years they would be really good, because I knew they had an amazing draft in Duhon, Gordon, and Deng (Noc I would find out about later). The first 9 games, 0-9, supported my feelings. I saw signs, but nothing I thought would manifest itself this year. Yet slowly, without me even fully realizing it, the Bulls snuck up on us all. I cheered for different goals; reach .500, make the playoffs, get homecourt advantage, Gordon and rookie of the year, Skiles and coach of the year, winning a playoff round, winning a championship (?). Obviously they didn't achieve everything mostly because of injuries, I would say. This doesn't make the bulls season a failure. Alot of parallels could be drawn to the Illini season. Similarily this team overachieved, and taught the entire NBA how to play real team basketball. You dont need big time stars or all stars. All you need is players that are committed, have a heart for the game, and a coach that will teach players these things. The bulls had all these, and in a couple years they are going to have a handful of big time NBA stars. It's just a matter of the Bulls getting to a stage ot show them off. So next year, I can finally realisticaly expect a Championship (just gotta secure Eddy, Skiles and Tyson) Stay optimistic, because there is finally something to be optimistic about.

NBA's Second Season

2005-04-30T00:14:00.000-05:00

There aren't many things better than the NBA playoffs. It is the NBA's second and better season. So many things hang on every game. They have the possibility to reshape a franchise, make superstars, and create dynasties. What I love about the playoffs, is the type of game that is required to win. A team like the Suns will never, ever take it. They dont play defense. Over a 7 game series any good team will figure out ways to stop you from scoring. It's possible to overcome a great offense (everyone misses shots), but nearly impossible to overcome a great defense (because they will cause you to miss those shots). This is important, because it creates the coveted playoff environment. Everything is grity and dirty, boxing out, hedging on screens, knocking down cutters; all that fun stuff. (Pistons anyone?) Well, I'm excited for the Bulls to be in the midst of the playoffs. They are built for playoff basketball, and if Curry and Deng had been healthy, they would be going much farther (if they dont already with the 'ship this year). It's great how you can talk about the things you love forever, and while many other things occupy this category for me, the NBA playoffs is definately in there (for many reasons beyond basketball).

Far Too Long

2005-04-29T17:39:00.000-05:00

It's been far too long, because i've been far too busy with school. This actually pisses me off, because I'm going to have enough homework to do next year, I should be living it up this year, but no, instead I have the hardest semester of my high school career. Well anyways on my haitus I've found a Christian Revolutionary, well if not revolutionary, at least a great example. Mother Theresea. She was definately a role model and icon for a generations, but as wonderful a person as she was, she didn't change the world politically, which is very important. I mean that is where all the world's problems generally stem from, and it is also where they can be solved; the political arena. So I love Mother Theresea, but I want more.

Question of the Moment

2005-04-12T21:30:00.000-05:00

Why haven't there been any 20th Century Christian political revolutionaries?

Revolutionary Figures

2005-04-12T16:37:00.000-05:00

The interesting thing about revolutionary figures (i've referring specifically to gandhi and che, but I'm sure the rest apply as well) is the way they get hero-ified. It's just human nature. Everyone wants the ultimate; an example of what is worth living for. Yet no man is perfect. Che went on to murder many people, whether for noble purposes or not, he murdered people. He was also much more of a womanizer than The Motorcycle Diaries lead you to believe. Gandhi was guilty of some flip flopping and had some sexual desires he could not control at times. Yet there are two reverred figures, so why can these things be simply looked past? Well, we need someone to look up to. If you tried to motivate a group of Indian nationalists by saying, "Gandhi liberated his countrymen without even lifting a finger to war, but he did have problems with sex." That just wouldn't work. We harp upon the bad. One bad apple could spoil an entire bushel of ripe apples. Therefore our society makes heroes. As it may seem dishonest and idealistic, I have nostalgic connections to it. I dont want to know about Michael Jordan's gambling problems. I want to remember him for all the opportunities he gave me and my dad time to sit down and watch him growing up. I want to remember Jordan for his amazing shots, and inspiring performances. I want to remember Jordan for being the one thing I could rub into my uncle's face (who is a Pistons fan). On a much grander (and more important) scale, Gandhi and Che provided this. They motivated and turned entire countries around, and the fact that I'm talking about them right now, is a testimony of the amazing reach their influence still has today. We all know heroes really aren't heroes, but my hats off to all those heroes out there.

The Motorcycle Diaries

2005-04-10T10:47:00.000-05:00

I saw The Motorcycle Diaries several times this weekend, and quite suddenly it has become my favorite movie. I've tried to anayzle why, but it seems to escape me. From the moment the movie started, I was already in love with it. Maybe because it portrays something I wish I could do; something I wish I had the courage to do, change the world forever.

A Revolutionary Life

2005-04-09T13:14:00.000-05:00

How will I be remembered? How will you be remembered? Will we be remembered? Such thoughts entered into my mind as I watched The Motorcycle Diaries and made another dent into Che this weekend. Ernesto, "Che", seemed to live a very normal life up until the momentous roadtrip he took on. He was a medical student only a semester away from his degree, but he let it all go. He let go of security for something more. He risked it to become something more. Isnt that a staple of greatness, great risk? Ernesto could have easily gone back home after a life changing, perspective changing journey to become what his parents expected him to be, but instead he wanted more, not only for himself but for everyone. He was one of the many people that recognize social injustice and truely take notice, but he was one of the rare people that actually do anything about it. I can't comment on his life as a revolutionary, as I've yet to fully research it, but I must say I'm very impressed with his life; just as I was with Gandhi's. They both grew up with stable and successful futures ahead of them, a doctor and lawyer respectively, yet through God's providence they each reached a breaking point. They were each shown something which they couldn't tolerate, and possesed the fortitude to change it. It's amazing, because we all have this potential. We all have the potential to be great, to be something more than is expected of us, but we must reach that point where society's definition of success isn't acceptable; when money is no longer an acceptable meter for success, when a courage becomes not an exception to normal activity, but the normal activity. That is how we can live a revolutionary life.

Fruits/Vegetables?

2005-04-06T23:03:00.000-05:00

I'm curious as to what the scientific differences are between fruits and vegetables. I've never seen or heard of a specific list of characteristics. Usually the fate of the food's classification has just been taken in faith or by a blind guess. So, if someone can show me a list, that would be interesting, and probably make me a better person somehow.

I'm Proud of my Illini

2005-04-05T18:15:00.000-05:00

As you all know at this point, the Illini fell to UNC the other night 75 to 70. It was heartbreaker to say the least. Lutherhead, Powell, and Deron are probably all leaving which meant this was probably the Illini's one and only shot at the 'ship. Yet, was this season a failure because they didn't win? I dont think so. Not at all. In many ways, I think they had a more of a successful season than North Carolina did. North Carolina was extremely talented but it never felt like they earned or worked for a win. When they won, it was because they were supposed to. Illinios wasn't supposed to do any of this. Even when they finished the season with one loss people doubted them. Yet they came out and gave it their all every night. Some nights the shots didn't fall or they didn't get the calls, but it wasn't because they weren't trying. I'm glad to call myself an Illini fan, and they most likely will not have a team this good next year or maybe ever again. The Illini, this season, demonstrated what is meant by winning even when you lose. By no means will I ever forgot the Arizona game or this season as a whole. I'm proud of my Illini.

South Carolina

2005-04-01T16:25:00.000-06:00

I'm back from Charleston, and I can't even put into words what happend. As Clew said, "there is no adjective I can attach to it". He's right. It was just perfect. Even when it was going bad or unpleasant, it was perfect. Everything about it just screamed divine control everything from highways carved out of mountains, to trickling waterfalls, to the sweet ocean air, to the bountiful shells, to the sand stuck in my toes, the Columbia capitol building, Clyde letting loose, Chris waking up, half man-half drugs, yelling at each other, grilling hot dogs, beautiful Charleston streets, tasting coffee, swelling feet, waffle house, Mario, orangeburg, bread everywhere, car smelling like fruit and bread, my jam, hogging the blanket, running next to the car during a traffic jam, throwing food out the window, craving donuts, best ice cream in the world, useless basketball, hours upon hours of frisbee, losing the throw, putting on shows, chris belly flopping into the ocean, kids throwing sand at each other (and baby), lost butterfly kite, running baby, wheaton north bartender, wrong mapquest directions, weird dude, loud kid, quiet time, out like a rock in the backseat, total and fruit loops, and so much "freakin" more. I have to spread this out over a couple of entries since this one doesn't even make sense, unless you were there.

My Lord....

2005-03-27T02:28:00.000-06:00

If any of you were blessed enough to see the Illinois/Arizona game, you better thank the Lord. There is nothing I can say in this entry that will be an overexageration of the last 10 minutes of this game. It was a hard fought game until the 2nd half when Arizona started destroying the Illini. The Illini were helpless inside and the Wildcats were just racking up points on the scoreboard. With 4 minutes left Arizona had amassed a 15 point lead. Flashes of defeat flashed through my mind. I tried to imagine how I would face the world after having the Illini embarassed like this. Then suddenly Deron Willaims pulls up and hits a 3.....only 12 down. No, there is no way they can come back. Then suddenly a steal, layup, another 3. Still they are down by 9 with 1:30 left in the game. I'm nervously excited. I want to believe they can win, but it will still take a miracle. What do I get? A freakin miracle. I didn't even sit down for the entire 2nd half...and i went from being embarrassed, to nervously excited, to absolute joy. I didn't believe it when it happened. The Illini win 90-89 in OT. It was the best 10 minutes and best basketball game I have seen in my entire life (I say all this taking into account the Bull's decade full of championship runs). Never had I seen just raw passion and heart during a basketball game. Illinois played with absolutely everything they had, and honestly it's an example for us all. Every single one of those players played as if that was the last game they would ever play, and that can be applied to our lives. Everyday has to be taken advantage of, as if it is our last. Every day is precious just as every possesion of the last 5 minutes of that game was. Maybe, just maybe, if we live our lives with the same passion the Illini displayed on the court, we can teach a few people what life is really about.

South Carolina

2005-03-26T19:15:00.000-06:00

So tomorrow I got to start packing for my road trip down to South Carolina. It's going to be a lot of fun, because we aren't going down there to do anything in particular, except hang out. There won't be any pressure to have fun or make the most of our time, because all we expect is time to chill and throw around the frisbee. Those are the best kinds of trips, which is why I dont like places like disney world. The whole point of a vacation is to relax, so why would you want to go someplace like that which loud theme park rides and bitter high school dropouts stuck in mickey mouse costume (okay that was a cheap shot, I take it back). But seriously, vacations that don't have any pressure or expectations involved are the best by far.

Tricky Business this is...

2005-03-25T23:57:00.000-06:00

It's hard to judge what is worthy of this platform. It's hard to judge was it worthy to even mention. Yet something got me pretty angry this evening; the UNC/Nova game. You may think that is silly, and it is, but the point is evil prevailed in that game. UNC is an inherently evil team and they won through a horrid call by the ref. I'm sure they must have payed him off, beacuse you can't call a travel when someone is fouled or at that point in the game. No matter, UNC won't win it all. If they make it to the championship game with the Illini, they will fall there.

Conceited

2005-03-25T10:40:00.000-06:00

It's hard to post things on this, because in sharing my thoughts i feel a bit pompous. My thoughts aren't anything special, nothing that I need to publish. So maybe this whole thing is more for me that it is for all of you. Maybe it's just a release for me; a place where I can let loose all my joys and frustrations.